Train Travel Are The Worst
If there's a place more guaranteed to sustain the epidemic levels of cuntery in the country than our railways, then I'm snared if I know it.
If there's a place more guaranteed to sustain the epidemic levels of cuntery (and probably covid too) in the country than our railways, then I'm snared if I know it.
Never mind the running of the railways: there's plenty of Professors of Advanced Cuntology amongst the passengers doing their best to ensure your trip will be as smooth as fucking sandpaper.
First comes the journey in the morning if you are going to work. When your train comes in, there will be a certain crowd of kiddy-fiddling types who will stand exactly at the same point of the edge of the platform every day where they expect the train to stop.
Now, I could respect that if they were doing it so they got first dabs at what little seating there inevitably is. I'd respect it even if they shouted "Yippee Yi Ay, Motherfuckers!" as they took their seat.
But no - what these cunts do is step onto the train...AND THEN STAND NEXT TO THE DOORWAY INSTEAD OF EITHER TAKING A SEAT OR MOVING UP THE CARRIAGE. The result is a shoving match and delays for everyone else trying to get onto the train. Add that to several stops, the minutes add up, and that's why your journey takes that bit longer.
WON'T MOVE CUNTS
Then comes the cunts who refuse to move up the carriage or let others get by them, so others can get on or those already on can at least get a chance to breathe. The usual reason is because they know Granny Pissknickers gets off two stops up the line so if they stay where they are they will be pole position to get their seat.
I had a blazing row with one such cunt earlier this year...well, actually what happened was she gave me backchat to my perfectly reasonable request & she got torn a new one for her trouble. Resigned to the fact the fat turd wasn't going to shift, I asked her to let me get by her - so that I could at least stand in the empty centre of the carriage and have a bit more air to breathe. She blanked my request. And again. And again. Finally, I tapped her on the shoulder and made the request with a polite tone that nevertheless added a subtext of OR ELSE!.
This time, she moved, whilst twittering on, "Excuse me, I will move, but please do not touch me, I don't like people touching me."
Which earned her the reply of : "I WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED TO TOUCH YOUR GROTESQUE CARCASS IF YOU HADN'T BEEN DELIBERATELY IGNORING ME! IF YOU DON'T LIKE PEOPLE TOUCHING YOU, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT IN THE RUSH HOUR? DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR AND GIVE UP FUCKING CREAM CAKES OR WHATEVER ELSE YOU STUFF IN THAT HOLE ABOVE YOUR TRIPLE CHINS FOR A MONTH, THEN YOU CAN BUY A FUCKING CAR & DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR, YOU SELF CENTRED SHIT!" Evil or Very Mad
And then I found two of my work colleagues were amongst the seating in the middle of the carriage Embarassed
I'd blame it on my asthma, but I've never been one for the culture of victumhood used to exonerate all manner of bad behaviour. But when I'm gasping for breath thanks to others selfishness, then my Cuntometer does overtime. Especially with that other bugbear of the packed train - the closed windows.
Picture the scene: the carriage packed so tight, hot & stuffy it ought to be renamed the Auschwitz Express. Someone next to a window has the No Shit Sherlock idea of opening it. Quick as a flash, you will get some cunt - usually fat - gets up and closes it...from a seat behind or across from the passenger that is next to the window. So not only are they a selfish cunt, but a fucking ill-mannered one as well.
People that do this should earn an instant deportation to Belgium, where they'll find plenty of folk happy to have them as a fellow cuntryman who think oxygen on trains is for wimps. It will save a lot of unpleasantness when instead of that little hammer to break the glass and ensure the rest of us get a bit of air in having to use their fucking heads - for Health & Safety reasons, of course Eh! What
SELECTIVE BRAVERY CUNTS
Now these are the chickenshit supremes. In the name of Queen and Cuntery, they will do their uttermost to find fault with other passengers whom they know are unlikely to bite back. Step on their toes trying to get by them as you get out of your seat to leave the train (heaven forbid they move a bit to make it easier for you!), bump them as you are going by, and they will react as if you'd just asked them to give you a blowjob.
The cunt de la cunt of these are the office that spend most of the journey looking for some way to bait any kids going to any of the private schools (& not in the presence of any parent that might decide punching fuck out of them would be the most astute manner of resolving the impasse). Complaints about being "too noisy", alleged "bad language", taking up "too much room with your bags", etc. coupled with threats to "complain to their school" about them, as if we were still in the fucking era of Mallory Fucking Towers. Ritualised confrontation across the generation gap against a soft target that’s merely catharsis for the failures of their own lives. If the little fuckers were wearing the regulation Burberry caps and tracky uniform of St Chavs School For Fuckwits, they’d been silent whilst they turned the air in the carriage every colour of the rainbow, let alone blue.
The only crumb of comfort is knowing that five years down the line, that kid's gonna be still harbouring that grudge when they become the junior line manager at that cunt's work and gives them a practical demonstation of what real cuntery is...
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